The Los Angeles Lakers might fall right into a septic tank and are available out smelling like the within of a Sephora. At each level of their historical past, at any time when they’ve endured a stretch of wrestle, they’ve all the time come out of it with actually a Corridor of Fame participant — or gamers — to rescue them from the depths of NBA normalcy. 

They bought Wilt. They bought Kareem. They bought Magic. They bought Shaq and Kobe, after which when Shaq left for Miami, they finagled Pau Gasol from Memphis in a commerce so lopsided that Gregg Popovich known as for an investigation. After Kobe, they bought LeBron. 

Now, simply in time for LeBron to age out, Luka Doncic falls into their lap. And if that wasn’t sufficient, that they had enough draft capital left over from the Luka heist to land Mark Williams, who is not going to be a reputation many informal followers have heard a lot about, however is an absolute steal who fills the one gap that the Lakers had left and profiles as the precise sort of lob-threat middle Doncic covets. 

And what did Rob Pelinka need to do with the intention to pull off these miraculous strikes with simply two trade-eligible draft picks to supply and with out even having to incorporate Austin Reaves? He went for espresso. 

That is proper, Pelinka — who had already stumbled into LeBron on sheer geographic and model privilege, after which by extension Anthony Davis — reportedly did not even need to provoke these conversations with Dallas or Charlotte. He simply bought invited to espresso by Nico Harrison, who needed to know if he could be all in favour of a 25-year-old generational basketball expertise, the actual mannequin of which the NBA might by no means see once more, for a 32-year-old Davis and the remainder of Pelinka’s espresso. 

Pelinka thought it was a joke. Nevertheless it wasn’t. Not solely did Harrison wish to reward wrap Luka Doncic for the Lakers, however he was additionally keen to do it with out telling another groups who might have simply submitted a greater bid. 

On the very least, Doncic ought to’ve bankrupted the Lakers, and he nonetheless would’ve been value it. However Harrison was in such a giving temper that he let that ski-mask-wearing Pelinka get out of the financial institution after handing over simply ONE future draft decide. Mikal Bridges has by no means made an All-Star staff and he price the Knicks 5 draft picks. Dejounte Murray price the Hawks 4.

The one solace for long-suffering Laker haters was that the staff a minimum of appeared to lack a beginning middle after the lack of Davis, and Pelinka appeared resigned to the concept that he would have a tough time filling the roster hole earlier than the deadline. 

“We all know we’ve a necessity for a giant — the marketplace for bigs proper now main into the final two or three days of the commerce deadline may be very dry,” Pelinka stated on Tuesday, by way of ESPN. “There’s simply not so much out there. So perhaps we’ll be capable to do some stuff across the margins. I might say, by way of a giant transfer for that place, it is most likely extra real looking that may be one thing that comes within the offseason.”

Not if the Charlotte Hornets have something to say about it! In keeping with ESPN’s Ramona Shelburne, after Doncic advised Pelinka — who was initially taking a look at “older, slower bigs” so as to add — that he most well-liked to associate with a giant man who posed a vertical lob menace, which Pelinka had simply stated he did not suppose was out there within the present market, the Hornets — the identical staff that gave the Lakers Kobe again in 1996 — simply occurred to name up with an athletic, 23-year-old seven-footer who match Luka’s precise specs. 

From Shelburne’s X account:

Lakers had been in search of a giant however as soon as they bought Luka this week, they knew precisely what sort of large they needed. From what I’ve heard, in Luka’s preliminary basketball conversations he advised Lakers GM Rob Pelinka he performed greatest when he had a vertical lob menace. When Charlotte known as saying they favored [Dalton] Knecht and may be keen to debate Mark Williams, the deal got here into place.

Shedding Knecht is not nothing, however the truth that the Lakers had a draft decide LEFT OVER after the Luka deal to make the Williams commerce occur is ridiculous. Frankly, the one factor extra ridiculous is that Pelinka goes to finish up profitable Government of the 12 months for doing nothing greater than opening his door in his pajamas when he noticed it was Ed McMahon knocking.